Author’s note: Everything in bold is my brain, everything in normal type is me.
*knock knock*
Who is it?
*knock knock knock knock knock*
Okay, okay, okay hold your damn horses. *opens mental door*
Maaaaatt, my man! Hello there! How are you? Where you been?
Oh, it’s you, Brain. The better question is where have you been?
Went on a great holiday with the family. Ever heard of Uranus? It’s lovely this time of year.
Take me with you next time. What’s new?
Same ol’ shiznit, bro. You know how it goes. But the better question is what’s up with you? We haven’t collaborated on anything recently.
You want to do that now? Wanna write something together?
You know it, Boo Boo.
*sighs heavily*
Going to stop you right there because I know what’s coming next. You’re going to start with the “woe is me I don’t want to write” song and dance that you always do. I can sense that percolating down there in your well of anxiety. Also going to stop you before you go in on the “I don’t like writing these posts where I chat with my own brain as if we were two different entities.” So which one is it?
You kind of have me boxed in here. Plus, we’re already about 100 words into this. Kind of too late for any of that.
You always know that when you don’t have much going on in the writing realm, you can always fall back on the faux “talk to yourself” trope. This trope, for you, breaks more funks than a… than a…
Than a what?
Dang, I guess I’m kind of rusty, too.
Rusty like a … Wallace? Shit! Rusty like… that one Soundgarden song? The one about cages? This is going to be tedious, isn’t it?
We’re out of practice.
Like Allen Iverson?
Not my writing. Not my writing. Not the writing that I go out there and die for and write every post like it’s my last.
We’re talking about practice!
Not a game!
But practice! The Truth!
The Truth? That’s Paul Pierce. “The Truth” is Paul Pierce. Allen Iverson was “The Answer.” Or “A.I.” Gotta love old school NBA nicknames.
Hard to get the ol’ creative juices flowing without much warning, though.
We’ll get there. But on the writing trope “thing,” you’d be surprised how many people have internalized conversations in their heads on a day-to-day day basis. But more broadly, I can sense you think this writing format is “hacky,” but fuck that… Everything is hack these days. At least you didn’t start your post with “staring at a blank screen and a blinking cursor, unsure on what to say…”
*secretly deletes my post that started that exact way*
YOU DO KNOW I CAN SEE THAT, RIGHT?
See what?
Fuck it, never mind, let’s proceed before you start losing the readers.
Don’t want to do that.
You already feel a little crazy talking to yourself as a writing style, but let’s cut out with the airing out all of our inner angst and negative self-talk, too. We’ve been working on this. You’ve been listening to a lot of Wu-Tang recently. Those guys were notorious for talking to themselves and do you think they ever wail on that writing trope?
They own that shit. Taking on those personas helped them write some of the most insanely clever and immaculately written bars of all time. Sure, there’s a lot of biographical stuff in there that informs them, too, and it’d be a mistake to discount that, but the Shaolin Shadowboxing and the Wu-Tang Sword style is what got their creative juices flowing. Maybe they needed that “let’s take on personas so we can get our art out there” springboard.
Yeah. We have. *takes a deep breath*
There it is. Find that breath, Buddha Boy. What’s on your mind?
I don’t know, actually. But truth be told, that’s been part of the problem as of late. I’ve actually started and deleted so many writing *things* that I legitimately don’t know if I just don’t have any ideas at all worth talking about. Each post that I started and then deleted felt so inert and boring that it made me wonder if my creative well was tapped dry. But other times I’d have a good idea, sometimes even a great one, but then lacked the internal motivation to sit down and get it written. Or I’d be so busy with day-to-day life that the great idea I had just disappeared like smoke in the wind.
So maybe it’s a discipline or motivation thing. Or perhaps I don’t have confidence in my thoughts anymore when it comes to stuff I write. Or maybe it’s the idea that, yes, while fun to write, it’s not always fun to write for the sake of writing alone. And no matter how much I write on any platform over the decades I’ve done it, it’s mostly just an exercise in getting high on my own supply. Or perhaps I wonder if…
If what?
If there’s something a little darker going on.
Darker like what?
Darker like maybe I might just done writing. Like done-done. Like writing was some fun thing I did for a long time… blog posts, short stories, essays, poems… even Facebook statuses and the occasional Tweet when I was on that platform (before Dumb-Dumb took it over). Writing used to be really fun and would engage a side of my brain and my heart that needed to put words into the nothingness/everythingness of everyday life. But now it all just kind of feels like work. Or like a car stuck in mud spinning its wheels. Or, on occasion, like speaking into the void. And that thought makes me kind of sad.
Just kind of?
Okay maybe Hella sad.
“Maybe?”
Okay, it makes me sad.
If I had to guess, all of what you just laid out is probably pretty common to people who write. But I should ask; are you enjoying this?
This post right here? I haven’t even really started, but so far so good. I guess so, yeah.
Let’s try this then. A lot of your writing last year was… how should I say this?
A little on the heavy side?
Correctamundo. So, let’s try this. Let’s put some of that heavy stuff on the back burner for now. I suspect some of that heavy stuff might be part of the problem anyways. You needed to get a lot of that out, especially all that stuff about your dad’s death and how difficult mourning him was (and has been), but let’s just shoot the shit here and see what happens. Let’s pick a low hanging fruit. Let’s talk about… this morning, you were listening to a movie podcast about the 1986 Sylvester Stallone movie Over the Top. Want to talk about that?
No! That movie and the Kenny Loggins song that accompanies it are perfect.
*winces*
Okay, maybe not perfect. Maybe even the opposite of perfect. But did you know that that scene where that guy’s arm snaps mid-arm wrestle? That actually happened!
*winces again*
Pretty gnarly. But the podcasters did mention a movie thing that’s been annoying me for a long, long time. Right around the time the Karate Kid spinoff Cobra Kai came out on Netflix, you started hearing this weird take cycle through movie/television Twitter that tried to recontextualize Daniel LaRusso as the bully of the original Karate Kid movie and Johnny Lawrence as its misunderstood (anti)hero.
Yeah, I remember. What was the argument again?
Yeah, it was one of those “Ain’t I so clever? You’ve been viewing The Karate Kid incorrectly this whole time” kind of deals… “It turns out that Daniel was the one who instigated all of those fights and Daniel was the one who was overstepping boundaries.”
Those kinds of takes can either be really fun or really tedious. But you, an almost 47-year-old man have an opinion on this Karate Kid take?
When it comes to waxing on about The Karate Kid, I can do this all day.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE! We’re getting our groove back, baby!
Let me go side to side here and paint you a picture.
Okay, settle down. Everyone remembers “wax on, wax off,” no one really references Mr. Miyagi having Daniel-san painting houses or fences (both side?).
Ohhhh… now who’s the one who has opinions on The Karate Kid?
I’m your inner thoughts. You’re the outward facing Matt. Together we…
Bring balance to each other.
Must have balance. Balance is key. Balance is good. BANZAI!!!!
BANZAIIII!!!
But you were saying?
Right, so the theory basically goes something like this… there’s an early scene in that movie where Ali (with an “i”) and Daniel (with an “l”) are at a party on the beach, having a good ol’ time, kicking soccer balls, listening to the Mike Love coined, Jan and Dean performed (Bop Bop) on the Beach on Ali’s jambox.
As one does.
As one does! So in rolls Johnny and his Cobra Kai acolytes on their dirt bikes, dropping an Ace Degenerate level exposition dump setting both time and place for the story, but also dropping the bit of knowledge that Ali and “Ex Degenerate” Johnny Lawrence broke up months ago, which in high school terms is “ancient history.” At least ancient history to Ali, not Johnny.
Are you just going to quote and reference the whole movie?
Right! Okay. So, in rolls Johnny who confronts his ex Ali who explicitly states she doesn’t want to talk to Johnny in any capacity. “We’ve been over this. I don’t want to talk.” Johnny persists. Ali asks him to leave. She keeps turning on the radio. He keeps turning it back off. Eventually, his shitty rage takes over and he breaks her radio by throwing it into the sand. At this point, Ali is clearly and rightfully freaking out. In walks sweet Daniel with an “l” who then proceeds to take a massive “L” at the wrong end of a couple of well-placed Johnny Lawrence roundhouse kicks. Scene over.
The dude personified 80s villainy.
And then what? What comes next in the movie?
Okay, so, the only place where maybe this stupid argument has any merit is how off the handle Daniel goes after getting tripped by one of the Cobra Kai douchebros during soccer practice the next day. Was the trip dirty? Sure. Was there already a growing history between the Cobra Kai and Daniel? Yeah, definitely. Was there a power differential on the soccer pitch that the coach wasn’t aware of? Probably, yeah. But you can’t just go after a kid who trips you on the soccer field by punching him in the face, whether they deserve it or not. But even with that, I’d still side with Daniel here.
Love that his sweatshirt is kind of frayed. That’s poor kid shit. Reminds me of our youth.
*tries to catch fly with chopsticks*
Pay attention. This is important. Okay, so then the next scene of the movie is the scene where the Cobra Kai dudes just up and almost murder Daniel LaRusso by knocking him off his bike, sending him down a steep ass hill. This scene is where the “Daniel LaRusso had it coming/was actually the bully” argument loses all merit, just flat out. There’s no grey area and no argument to be made here. This attack was over the top. It was 5 on 1. It was blindsided, unprovoked, and particularly violent. And on top of that, a culminating event between the Cobra Kai and Daniel LaRusso. Bullying is never (or rarely) a one-time thing.
Not in our experience. Also, I like that you posted all these videos as if people don’t already have this movie memorized from beginning to end.
Yeah, well, you’d be surprised how many people haven’t seen this movie, old man. This movie came out 40 freaking years ago.
But yeah, that’s not our experience. Bullying is more often than not a whole picture of a series of progressively aggressive acts. Johnny beat Daniel up on the beach while the Cobra Kai lackeys snickered from the sideline. They attacked him on the soccer field. They make their presence constantly felt by Daniel, so that even when he’s not under attack, he still feels like he is. At best, he never feels completely safe.
It’s male rage and entitlement on full display. It’s the not listening to Ali after she explicitly states she doesn’t want to talk to Johnny. It’s the kicking the ass of a stranger who was doing nothing more than showing concern for a girl in distress.
It’s the ganging up on a kid and basically almost killing him by knocking his ass down a hill. Everything else that follows… the seeking out Karate classes and accidentally stumbling upon the Cobra Kai douches who almost killed you… the Halloween prank… all of it. All of it, at that point, is a response to the bullying by a bullied kid, but not bullying itself. Be wary of anyone who has a warped view of Johnny Lawrence’s actions in that movie. Bullies will almost always try and frame the fighting back as abuse/bullying itself.
Yep! Anyone else we should be wary of?
Yeah, sure, while we’re here… Be wary of anyone who makes the argument that Jenny Gump is the villain of Forrest Gump.
*spits out warm Sake* WHAT???
Oh, man… I actually see this take more often than the Karate Kid take. The Cobra Kai show gave the above argument a little air, but you see the “Jenny Gump is the villain of Forrest Gump” argument all the time in film threads on Reddit, YouTube videos, random movie debates over beers with friends, etc.
Did people who make that argument not watch the movie?
Reading comprehension, movie literacy, and film analysis… I wish they taught them more fully in schools. They did watch the movie; they just aren’t good at understanding it or analyzing it. Or maybe people just aren’t good at giving people grace or people aren’t good at understanding how empathy works or not good in seeing how the world is every shade of grey but rarely black and white.
In their eyes, they view her dysfunctional behaviors as reason to view her as the movie’s main antagonist and/or villain. The “Jenny Gump is the secret villain of Forrest Gump” argument always incorrectly assumes that we owe other people our affection and our love and our physical bodies when we’re shown love in return. That isn’t really how any of this works.
But also, the argument that Jenny Gump is the villain of Forrest Gump fits into the broader argument that’s been raging for 30 years now that “Forrest Gump is bad, actually.”
But was it good, actually? We’ve watched pretty much every film analysis and read pretty much every think piece ever made or written on that movie. We’ve seen and read it all and can recite the arguments by heart. It’s hippie liberal nonsense. No wait, not hippie nonsense. It’s actually a conservative movie. No wait, it’s neither; it’s too milquetoast and down the road to actually have a political bent at all. The movie is vapid. No wait, the movie is really deep. The movie is toxic. The movie is sweet. We’ve seen it all.
On top of that, if you have any discussion about either Pulp Fiction or The Shawshank Redemption, movies that both came out the same year as Forrest Gump, at some point in the conversation, Forrest Gump’s Oscars wins over both movies will come up. They always bring that up because God forbid a movie like Forrest Gump takes any precious Oxygen away from famously Oxygen deprived Quentin Tarantino.
We do like Tarantino, though.
We really, really, really, really, really, really, really do. Like a lot a lot.
Look. I’m not saying Forrest Gump is the best movie of all time. I’d even, probably, depending on the day, agree with the take that The Shawshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction are vastly superior movies to Forrest Gump.
There are parts of Forrest Gump that are just flat out ridiculous and kind of dumb. The running scene with the “Shit happens” bumper stickers and smiley face shirts… that’s all just so incredibly dumb, to me. But that movie is the ultimate Rorschach test where you’ll funnel your own perspectives and psychologies into what’s happening in the movie itself. Is it a conservative movie? Is it a liberal one? It depends on where you stand politically and what you’re wanting to see in that movie. Is it a fairy tale or jukebox version of a turbulent couple of decades of US history? It depends on what you’re wanting it to be. That’s true of every movie or piece of art we consume, but it’s deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefinitely true of that movie. Some movies are like that. And where I stand…
Well?
Well, like I said it’s a Rorschach test. If ever a movie was an inkblot, it’s Forrest Gump. To me, if I’m talking about its politics or its silly historical stuff, I feel like I’m kind of missing the point. At its core, Forrest Gump is ultimately just a bittersweet movie that shows how fate, chance, and randomness all interplay and intermingle together and how that interplay can manifest with broad social/cultural events (John Lennon dying, who lived or died in Vietnam, JFK’s assassination, Watergate), but also manifest on the interpersonal or micro side of things (who we sit next to on a bus ride, whether our boat stays afloat during a hurricane, who we hatch our souls onto, who sits down with us on a park bench). Are we the feather? Are we the wind? The answer to that question impacts both the world and our own lives.
But that’s all beside the point. Because this post isn’t about what Forrest Gump is or isn’t about, or even if the movie is good or not. I could give you 4,000 words on that and that alone. That’s all up for debate. But what isn’t up for debate is…
*takes off Karate Kid headband and puts on Bubba Gump Shrimp Company hat*
What isn’t up for debate and what should not be happening is anyone calling Jenny Gump a “villain.” This isn’t even hard or a controversial statement I just made. Jenny Gump is a survivor of childhood trauma, a survivor of physical and sexual violence at the hands of her father, a survivor of physical abuse (and likely sexual abuse) at the hands of several men… that person is not a villain. Jenny Gump has problems connecting with people, especially emotionally and intimately. That would make anyone any number of things, but a villain isn’t one of them. Be wary of anyone (OF ANYONE!) who labels someone who has problems emotionally or spiritually connecting with other people as “villains” or whatnot. I can’t “Full Stop” that enough. That’s “no further discussion needed” stuff right there. Anyone who makes that case can…
CAN GET FUCKED! She doesn’t owe Forrest or anyone anything.
I mean, sure… It’d be more accurate to say that Forrest and Jenny have an unhealthy relationship at times. He can be kind of possessive of her and domineering of her choices. He even has some “white knight” tendencies, whether he acknowledges it (or is able to) or not. And sure, for Jenny… it’s easy to sit here and say “leave a note” when she leaves him late in the movie and perhaps tell the father of your child that you have a child together. But that’s all kind of… I mean, look… she apologizes for all of that. She needed to right her ship in whatever way she could. And it looks like she was able to make a peace within herself that she needed to reach. Life is messy. And I think that imperfect movie does a good job at demonstrating that. It’d be wrong to impose our morality on either one of them from the comfort of our couches. That’s what empathy is. We don’t have to agree with the choices a character makes, but we have to ask ourselves; If I were that person existing in that world faced with the same upbringing and same life events, would I have made similar choices? How would I have fared? Would I be standing on that balcony while Freebird plays over the speakers?
You know what? The same can be said of Cinderella.
Yeah?
Yeah! That girl was mistreated (I’d say abused) her whole life. Can’t a girl get a little love in her life without us critiquing and pinpointing what that story is and isn’t?
Right! Cinderella, like all of us, is owed love. Sometimes a fairy tale should just remain that; a fairy tale. It should transcend our post-modern opinions and just be what it is.
But I guess there’s also an issue with representation and what stories girls/women get told and whatnot. For a long time, the only real stories that were written and told to women were things like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. But I’d argue, maybe wrongly, that the issue there is less about the limitations of what those stories are and more an issue with how, at least for a long, long time, there wasn’t much else by way of storytelling for girls and women other than stories like that. The weakness of the Cinderella story might not be as big a deal in a world where Hermione and Katniss Everdeen exist.
That’s fair. Alright! We done?
Yeah! I think so.
Okay, good. Because I’m going to bring this all home.
Okay!
You started off this post handwringing about writing tropes and whatnot. About how it feels hacky to talk to yourself as a way of expressing yourself, but here we are almost 3,500 words later, discussing films you love and broader societal stuff that’s been bugging you. It felt good to write every single word of it. I know! I was there.
*nods*
The fact of the matter is you enjoy writing, you just think too much. You’re in your head way way way way too much. Which is why writing is good for you. Even though writing is and of itself an “in your head” exercise, you’re still putting out energy into the world that you would normally keep in your head. That’s healthy. That’s what you should be doing. That’s the point of writing. Whether you have 1 reader or 1,000,000,000 readers, better out than in. Not for them, but for you!
But on the writing trope thing, let’s end here… One thing I’ve noticed the past few weeks is how much you’ve been listening to the Wu-Tang Clan and your new favorite new hip hop (super)group Czarface. If there’s one thing you need to take from the Wu-Tang Clan and Czarface (and pretty much any hip-hop artist ever), it’s their lack of self-consciousness and lack of humility when it comes to the personas they embody and the writing styles they use.
Each member of the Wu-Tang Clan performs under a pen name alter ego. You think some dude’s actual name is GZA? GZA’s name is Gary Eldridge. Method Man’s name is Clifford Smith, Jr. Do you think any member of the Wu-Tang Clan actually knows how to fight with a samurai’s katana or knows the first thing about Tiger Style kung-fu fighting?
Yeah… yeah… I see what you’re getting at.
So, I need to drop the shit and just get with this “talk to myself” style?
When you need it, most definitely! PROTECT YOUR NECK, SON!
I can get with that.
How else were you going to write about Daniel LaRusso and Jenny Gump today if not via this style? Were you going to 5 paragraph essay this shit?
Fuck that!
FUCK THAT! You can do that style, too, but that ain’t you in the day-to-day. Those essays are super fun and please don’t stop writing them. But what I’m trying to say here is, be formless. There are no rules. If you want to use a style or format, write it. Write a 5 paragraph format essay. Write a poem if you want to. Write a short story that doesn’t have an ending. Just freaking write. No rules.
Any other lessons?
Let’s see if we can do … more. It’s worth it.
Okay! Let’s.
Banzai motherfucker.
An open and shut book 
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