32. Junk Drawer: Cat Afterlife and Water on the Trousers

Not every post needs to be a 5,000-word tome. Let’s open up the Junk Drawer and see what spills out.

A friend of mine recently had to send their family cat over the rainbow bridge and it got me thinking about what the afterlife must be like for dogs and cats. Sure, it’s probably the same as it is for the rest of us non-furry types…

*catches a glimpse of myself in the mirror* For us slightly less furry types.

But I like to think cats and dogs and apes and lizards have an afterlife custom made for each species. Like… I like to think a cat’s afterlife is just endless sunspots and one giant endless lap on which to sit. I also like to think that a cat’s afterlife vibrates with an eternal purr that just never ends. Yeah… that sounds about right.

Of if it’s an outdoor cat, I like to think that a cat’s afterlife is one successful squirrel (or bird) hunt after another. …which makes me wonder if somehow cat heaven and squirrel hell are intertwined or interconnected. Like maybe the deity who makes afterlives decided “you know what? We can kill two birds with one stone (so to speak) and make Squirrel Hell and Cat Heaven a self-feeding sustaining loop of sorts.”

BUT THEN I GOT TO THINKING… what the fuck kind of mortal sin would a squirrel have to commit to end up in Squirrel Hell? Like… do squirrels fuck each over other? Do they dig up other squirrels’ nuts and hide them somewhere else? Perhaps squirrels who throw acorns at joggers and runners end up there?

Random thoughts as I squeeze out a deuce while on a break from work…

Speaking of: There really should be some kind of international sign for “this is water splash from the sink, I didn’t pee my pants,” especially when khakis are involved. You take your life into your own hands when you go to the bathroom at work.