2. A Playlist About Death

12 Songs I like that fit this month’s theme:

On the Evening Train, performed by Johnny Cash, written by Hank and Audrey Williams.

There are several songs from the American recordings Cash did with producer Rick Rubin that would have worked here, including the much discussed cover of Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt.” What you’re essentially hearing in much of these albums is a man, standing at death’s door and reflecting on all the good, all the bad, and all the in-between he’d both done and been dealt in life. It’s kind of natural to ponder how we’re going to act and behave and feel when we’re at death’s door. I only hope I greet my imminent demise with as much humor, grace, and humility as Cash does in these albums.

Lazarus, by David Bowie

Much like the Johnny Cash song before it, Bowie knew his death was imminent and approached it in the only public way he knew how; by turning it into high art. I love the line, “Look up here, I’m in heaven. I’ve got scars that can’t be seen.” I’ve always loved the idea that in death (if there is an afterlife) the scars of life, many of which might be known only to us, come with us.

I’ll Be Seeing You, performed by Cat Power, written by Sammy Fain and Irving Kahal

I guess there’s a fine line between a break-up song and a grieving song. If I had to guess, I think this was probably intended more as a break-up/love loss song, but it’s always worked better to me as a grieving song about death. I was originally going to include the Billie Holliday version of this song but the instrumentation in this arrangement and her voice destroy me pretty solidly.

I think what I like most about this song is the notion of how you kind of “see” your loved ones in some of the most random and unexpected places. My dad had a motorcycle and I remember not long after he died, I’d always be “seeing” him around town on a bike. Or some dude with a similar build as my dad or similar hair color would walk by and I’d “see” my dad for like a split second. But then I’d snap back to reality the heaviness of it all would come crashing back like a sledgehammer. It still happens on occasion, but not nearly as often or as impactful as in those early years after his death.

Art of Dying, written and performed by George Harrison

I’ve always appreciated how honestly (sometimes bluntly so) George Harrison discussed and communicated complicated issues of life, death, and the afterlife, or rebirth, as it were. The dude did his research and his practice in examining all the inner- and outer- workings of all facets of life, but then paired that expertise into perfectly crafted “pop” songs that made those complicated issues all the more relatable. Of all the Beatles, I think John Lennon was the best communicator at that kind of thing, but George Harrison was by far the most complex and interesting philosophical thinker of that group.

There’s a great line in this, “But you’re still with me. But if you want it then you must find it. But when you have it, there’ll be no need for it.” I mean… there it all is right there in that line. If you want it, you gotta find it. And in the process of finding “it,” you’ll no longer need to learn the art of dying because you’ll have already transcended. Great stuff.

Suicidal Thoughts written and performed by Notorious B.I.G.

Biggie really captured that thing that happens when you’re in a depressive state and it feels like everyone and everything thinks you suck. You think you suck. You think your friends think you suck. You even think your mom thinks you suck. This song is short and to the point, but it really hits hard in its short runtime. And to answer your question, Biggie; yes, we all cried when you were gone.

Last Kiss performed by Pearl Jam, written by Wayne Cochran

I grew up listening to oldies (that used to mean 50s and 60s music — not 70s and 80s music) music, so I’m well aware of the original version. And if I’m being completely honest, the J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers version is pretty mid. It’s not a great song. The lyrics were great but I can’t stand that original version, mainly because of the lead and backup vocals. That Eddie Vedder heard that song and decided there was gold there is pretty amazing, to be honest. Every so often a cover comes around that is so transcendenally better than the original, the cover becomes the definitive version of the song. This is one of those songs. All my favorite Pearl Jam songs are ones in which it feels like Vedder is telling a story. This fits perfectly in that mold.

Travelin’ Soldier performed by The Chicks, written by Bruce Robinson

The original version is fine, but The Chicks and their natural storytelling skills (along with their perfect harmonizing) elevate this song to a whole other level. This song and its simple story of human connection gets me every time. Every. Time.

You know it’s great storytelling when you can see the end coming, but the storyteller is able to humanize the characters in such a way that you’re right there with them. There’s no way this song isn’t ending with that young soldier’s death, but putting you in that young girl’s shoes and having her be all alone while everyone just continues on about their day… it’s brutal stuff.

Keep Me in Your Heart written and performed by Warren Zevon

Like the Johnny Cash and David Bowie songs above, this song was written after Warren Zevon’s cancer diagnosis and he had death staring him right in the face. I think it perfectly captures what actual, real grieving is. …or at least what the endpoint of that grief should be. Just “think of me” every now and then. It’s going to be hard for a while and you’ll think of me all the time as you grieve, but eventually you gotta move on and get on with living. But think of me every now and then, if you can. It’s pretty beautiful stuff.

There’s a line in here, “Sometimes when you’re doing simple things around the house, maybe you’ll think of me and smile.” Yep… that is 100% “it.” That’s the goal for grieving a loved one. But man oh man is it a painful process getting there, isn’t it? And sometimes that very thought feels so mean or even cold. Like, what do you mean I’m not going to think of this loved one 24/7 anymore? They’re just going to fade away into my memories? It’s natural and it’s supposed to happen, but that’s always felt so sad, to me. Anyone I’ve grieved for in my life… they were at one point a huge part of my life. And then they died and grieving them became a huge part of my life in new ways. But then eventually, the pain starts to get more focused and less all consuming and then you just think of the person every so often and smile (or whatever emotion comes up when you think of them).

Requiem in D Minor, Lacrimosa by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

You can’t really do a playlist about death and not have at least one of Mozart’s “Requiem” pieces in it. I know there’s a lot of scholarly research written about who really has ownership of Mozart’s “Requiem,” but that’s a different post for a different day. But today, right now, few songs I’ve ever heard have more perfectly captured the “feel” of death than this one.

And When I Die written and performed by Laura Nyro

Being the offspring of Boomers, I’m pretty aware of the Blood, Sweat, and Tears version of this song, but this version is vastly superior to theirs. Death is powerful and death is sad, but death can also be joyous and righteous in the right moments and in the right spirit. This song captures the lighter side of going on to the great beyond. This song and the Warren Zevon song above are companions. Miss me when I’m gone but there’s life to be lived in this world so go live it!

Ashokan Farewell/Sullivan Ballou Letter letter by Sullivan Ballou, music by Jay Ungar and Molly Mason, read by Paul Roebling, with narration by David McCullough

The Ken Burns “Civil War” series on PBS was a highly formative viewing experience for me as a youth and “Ashokan Farewell” is a big reason why. That song so perfectly captures the feeling of the movie and of the war it chronicles. There were many highlights and great moments in that docuseries, but not more memorable than that beautiful letter Sullivan Ballou wrote to his wife Sarah. There’s real poetry in that letter:

• But, O Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth, and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you in the garish day, and the darkest night amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours always, always, and, if the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air cools your throbbing temples, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dear; think I am gone, and wait for me, for we shall meet again.

Rabbit In Your Headlights written and performed by Thom Yorke and DJ Shadow (Joshua Davis)

Not really a song about death, I’ll admit that. I mean, insomuch that many of Yorke’s songs are about death without also being about death. Granted. But this song contains one of my favorite quotes (from the movie “Jacob’s Ladder”) about death so I’m including it here. I had this song in pretty heavy rotation back in 1998 and 1999 and that quote got me through a lot of dark moments after my dad passed.

“If you’re frightened of dying and then you hold on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. But if you’ve made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.” I mean FUCK MAN! That quote… wow. The devils aren’t taking us to Hell, they’re chaining us to the stuff we couldn’t let go of in life. That’s heavier, to me, than the idea of Hell. But if we’ve made our peace, then the struggle is us letting go of all that stuff as the angels free us from this place. FUCKING RIGHT ON!